Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize