Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
