Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
