My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
