I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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