I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
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I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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