The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
