i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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