I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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