eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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