yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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