I wannas sexs uuuuu
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
