being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
