White coat. Heels.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My cat gives me a boner
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
