I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
