If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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