i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
