No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
