you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
