I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
