I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She even gives head with a lisp.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
