I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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