Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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