I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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