Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
