even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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