Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
