The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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