Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
