I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
