dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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