I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
