just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
