What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
they're like a gay fantastic four
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
