He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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