The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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