I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
