it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
