Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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