I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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