Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
