under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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