Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
