No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
