Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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