Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
