Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
