i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
