I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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