your room smells of hookers.
And success
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i think we sleep fucked last night...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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