grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
