It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I love you. Go after that dick
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
