I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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