I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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