i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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