If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
