He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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