maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
