Apparently you make a good broom.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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