i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
