do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
