I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
