I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
