I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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