I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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