It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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