grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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