i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
