it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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