I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
