Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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