eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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