So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
